


Lips of an Angel

by DaniJayNel



Category: Canaan (Anime)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Love Triangle, Romance, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-08-17
Packaged: 2018-02-13 13:15:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2152110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniJayNel/pseuds/DaniJayNel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A oneshot based on the song "Lips of An Angel" Canaan has Maria now, but Alphard is still there on the fringe of her heart. Both she and Alphard know they must part, but Canaan is torn between what comforts her and what sets her alight. A phone call in the middle of the night reminds her of this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lips of an Angel

Canaan stood motionless, staring tiredly at her lover sleeping soundly in their bed. She clutched the phone handset in her hand, fingers turning white with the force.

“Canaan…” Maria sighed contentedly and reached out subconsciously for the body of her white haired girlfriend that should have been there. Her sleeping mind registered the lack of it and the blonde grumbled, still completely unconscious.

Canaan sighed. Maria had no idea, and she felt terrible about it. But she couldn’t help it, which made her feel worse.

The retired mercenary lifted the phone and looked at it with hope and distaste. She hated the device but desperately clung to it. There was someone who would call. She always called. Somehow she always knew when to call.

But it was already 1 a.m. and there was still no call.

Canaan glanced guiltily at Maria. She wanted to climb into bed beside her, to let the affectionate blonde cuddle up against her. She wanted to fall into her usual fitful sleep, since that had become her norm. But Canaan couldn’t bring herself to place the phone down and return to her girlfriend’s side.

She was wracked with guilt and disappointment. Guilt at needing the call and disappointment at not getting it.

Why wasn’t she calling?

Canaan went over to Maria’s side and knelt down next to the girl. She gently swept the long blonde hair from her face and smiled affectionately. She did love Maria, she always had, but… she needed that call.

The synesthete stood and left the room. She entered the lounge of their modest apartment and took a seat at the couch. Could she do it?

A glance at the phone in her hand told her that she needed to. For once, she would make the call.

With trembling fingers Canaan dialled the painfully familiar number and clenched and unclenched her hands nervously as the call connected and she listened to the ringing.

On the fourth ring someone picked up and Canaan’s heart clenched.

“ _Canaan._ ” That voice, so strong and confident, filled Canaan’s ears and made her shiver. She loved hearing that voice say her name, so gently, so sweetly. It was the only thing she had ever heard spoken with so much care.

“A-Alphard…” Canaan breathed deeply to calm her heart and trembling hands. She needed to regain her composure. It shouldn’t be such a big deal that she had called this once. Right? All she did was make a simple call, no big deal.

 _“Honey, why did you call me at such an early hour? Are you okay? Is everything okay with… Maria?”_ Alphard’s voice hardened at the mention of Canaan’s lover.

“No I'm fine and everything between us is good.” Canaan responded quickly, not wanting to worry Alphard. She realized that calling this late was stupid of her, but she had to or she would never feel peace and sleep would continue to elude her. It was ironic that the only way for her to rest was to have these regular calls, talking to Alphard, considering what had happened between them.

“ _It’s strange for you to call.”_

“I know, I just… you didn’t call and I…” Canaan swallowed hard. “I need to hear your voice… without it I can’t go to sleep.”

Alphard remained silent on the other end, until she sighed sadly and spoke with softness she had never used before.

“ _I can’t sleep without hearing your voice too. I'm sorry for not calling; I just thought I would try to distance myself from you. We… we won’t ever work… Canaan…_ ”

“I know Alphard, but you make it so hard to be faithful. Maria is in bed, in our room right now and I can’t stop myself from wishing it was you.” Canaan choked up and covered her mouth with her hand. She couldn’t cry, especially not with Alphard listening.

“ _I… feel the same. We tried, and our year together will always be the happiest time of my life. But-_ ”

“But we won’t work. You won’t leave the Snakes, even though you tried, and I won’t be with a terrorist.” Canaan ended.

“ _Exactly. I can’t expect you to be with me while I am who I am. I really did try for you Canaan, but I just can’t. Being a terrorist is who I am, nothing can change that. I will always love you, that won’t change either._ ” That same tender voice, coming from Alphard’s lips, sounded like words from an angel, ironically.

No matter how many times Canaan tried to convince herself that she didn’t love her anymore, she was reminded, somehow, of her former lover. It hurt so badly that sometimes she couldn’t breathe. 

“I… I will a-always love you too A-Alphard, I can’t ever stop no matter how hard I try.” Canaan sniffled, ignoring the tears that refused to listen and now streamed down her face.

“ _We haven’t really moved on, have we?_ ” Alphard spoke softly, allowing Canaan to see her tender side even now after everything had ended. No one knew this side of her except for the synesthete, and it would stay that way.

When there was no reply Alphard started to worry.

“ _Are you crying, Canaan?_ ”

Canaan shook her head and then realized that Alphard couldn’t see it.

“No, I'm not crying, don’t worry.” Canaan sniffed again and wiped her tears away, determined to make it through this call as she had many times before.

Alphard didn’t believe it but decided not to press the subject.

“ _Okay, if you say so._ ” Alphard said.

Canaan sighed deeply and covered her forehead with her hand. She still felt exhausted and emotionally drained.

“Maria has no idea… that we…” She sighed. “I feel like such a terrible person.”

“ _She still doesn’t know, does she? Canaan, will it cause a problem if she finds you on the phone right now? I don’t like Maria, you know that, but I don’t want you unhappy because of me. I’ve hurt you enough._ ”

Canaan shook her head again and grinned when she realized that Alphard still couldn’t see it. She had to stop doing that.

“I’ll tell her, eventually. For now, I just wanted to hear you say my name.”

“ _Canaan,_ ” Alphard said softly with emphasis and smiled when she swore she could hear Canaan’s shiver through the phone. “ _I can’t really be on the phone right now, but I answered it because it was you._ ”

Canaan straightened. “I’m sorry.” She apologised.

“ _No, it’s alright. It was just a meeting and I am the leader. They shit their pants at my very glance._ ”

Despite what she knew the meeting involved, Canaan chuckled at the image of big, burly men cowering under the powerful glare of Alphard’s penetrating eyes.

“ _I need to go now, Canaan.”_

“I don’t want to say goodbye…”

“ _Me neither, hon, but I have to._ ”

“Okay…” Canaan waited for the call to end. They never said goodbye, even after so long of sharing these intimate calls.

Alphard didn’t put the phone down though and simply listened to Canaan’s breathing for a few seconds. “ _I love you Canaan._ ” She said, allowing the pain and sadness to leak into her words, along with the happiness that loving Canaan brought despite the pain of never being able to actually be with her.

Canaan sucked in a deep breath. “Alphard I… I lo…” Canaan stopped herself and glanced at her bedroom door. She couldn’t say it, not after keeping herself from saying it for so long.

“ _I’ll dream about you when I eventually go to sleep._ ” Alphard added, feeling somewhat masochistic at that moment.

“Yeah, I’ll dream of you too.”

And with that, Alphard ended the call and Canaan hung her head.

The emotions she felt were nearly overwhelming, so she shoved all thoughts and feelings from her mind and went back to the room. She climbed into the bed and allowed Maria to latch onto her, as she did on pure instinct.

Canaan looked at Maria’s peaceful face and felt that familiar pang of guilt.

She did love Maria, but she would always love Alphard more.


End file.
